Gentlemen, that reminds me....

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Gentlemen, that reminds me....
(Or, Pull up a sandbag lad, I wanna tell you a story!)

(Continued)


Some people who work with electricity might have a warped sense of humour, as this video clip shows:


Warning - 663 KB MPEG video clip

To get the best effect and view this video clip: right click once on the image and then left click once on the "Save Target As..." option to save the file on your hard drive, then run the image from there.


Thanks must go to my sister-in-law, Ann-Louise Tester, for sending me an unending stream of "office humour" Emails! Here's her latest offering:

A man is sitting in an airliner, which is about to takeoff when another man with a Labrador Retriever occupies the empty seats alongside. The Labrador is situated in the middle. The first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline. The airline rep said, "Don't mind Sniffer; he is a sniffing dog, the best there is; I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work."

The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Sniffer, search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says "Good boy". The airline rep turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this and her seat number for the police who will apprehend her on arrival." Fantastic!" replies the first man.

Once again he sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and places two paws on the handler's arm. The airline rep says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again I'm making a note of this and the seat number." "I like it!" says the first man.

A third time the rep sends Sniffer to search the aisles. Sniffer goes up and down the plane and after a while sits down next to someone. He then comes racing back, jumps up onto his seat, and poops all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behavior from a supposedly well-trained sniffing dog and asks, "What's going on?" The handler nervously replies, "He just found a bomb!"


Michael Dewhurst tells me,

"When I was in the RAF  the following phrase was coined by one of my fellow SNCO's:

'No airman is completely useless, he can always be used as a horrible example!'

And,

'When I  was serving with the RAF at a radar unit in Cyprus there was a very stout airman on the base and the Medical Officer decided that he should be taken into Sick Quarters and put on a very strict diet to get his weight down. One day the staff were preparing for an inspection by a senior officer and the Flight Sergeant i/c the wards found a box of Maltesers in this airman's bedside locker. The F/S  "tore a strip off" the airman: saying......"how the !*!*!*! hell can we get your weight down if you're eating these things!" "But, Flight", protested the airman "they've got less fattening centres!'"


Caption Contest
(Just for fun!!)

From time to time I'll put up a photograph and the wits amongst you can send me your captions using the form below. No prizes, just the kudos of seeing your name on one of the worlds premier radar web sites! (The old caption contest is still available here). Please go to Contact the Editor to send in your entry.

Steven L. Rossiter, Tryon, Oklahoma, USA: "Hey Saddam we got your answer right here. Would you like some K-Y with that?"

Peter Cross, Poole, Dorset: "For heavens sake RUN Charles, the damned thing's gone active !!"

Nigel Wilson, Peterhead, Scotland: Conversation overheard between Engagement Controller (EC) and Technical Supervisor (Tech Sup).

    EC: "Quick Chief, give me a hand to push the launcher around to the East......"

    Tech Sup: "????"

    EC: "Yes Chief, I know the missile has semi-active homing, however our radar is down and the enemy is approaching from that direction. Honestly Chief, I cannot understand your concern, after all it is a Bloodhound Pedigree Mark 2 with a superior sense of smell and tracking and it will have no difficulties in locating the target without our help."

    Tech Sup: "Okay Sir, and I suppose you want me to give the command "Fetch"?."

From your editor: "I say old chap, I like the cut your Shorts, Tropical. Can you give me the name of your tailor?"

Richard Vernon, Prince Sultan Air Base, Saudi Arabia: "65 Squadron's EngO duties were expanded to include launcher aiming after they forgot to demand some new OM-15!" (Hydraulic oil for the launcher azimuth drive motor for non BH2 blokes).  (Editors note: Richard runs the excellent Bloodhound missile site at http://www.bhmk2.net/ )

Richard Vernon, Prince Sultan Air Base, Saudi Arabia: "I'm going to kill the guy who forgot to put the OM-15 in the deployment pack up!"

'Spike' Jones, Norwich, Norfolk, UK: "WO Eng is going to go ballistic when he finds out we left the matches back at West Rayhnam"

From Tim Kent, Alwick, Northumberland, UK: "Bloody power-cuts Carruthers, it's your turn to light the blue paper"

From your editor: (in a Pathe News reader's Oxford accent) "Despite the tracking radar being sent to Aden by mistake, nothing can deter the R.A.F. in Singapore. Here we see our jolly lads training the missile by hand"


Thanks to my sister-in-law, Ann-Louise Tester, for sending in "The Ultimate Truths"

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when you have a broad mind and narrow waist.
(17a I thought middle age was when your broad mind and narrow waist line started to swap places - Ed.)
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away two weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at  themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.


Tim Kent sent in this little gem:

I was at RAF Boulmer from 1971 and at that time there was a store man called Dickie Bird. One day Dickie's Sergeant him asked if he could get him some cigarettes from the canteen if he was going to the R12. The boss said he wanted a pack of Embassy or Players No.6 or, if they hadn't got them, get anything.

Dickie returned with two pork pies!

Well he did ask!!!


 

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Updated 01/02/2005

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