Gentlemen, that reminds me....

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Gentlemen, that reminds me....
(Or, Pull up a sandbag lad, I wanna tell you a story!)


Where Did They Bury Nigger, Again?

In May 1968, on the anniversary of the famous Dams Raid by 617 Sqn, RAF, a press day was held at Scampton. The liaison officer was showing press and guests around the station, and stopped outside 617 Sqn's HQ. "And here," he said "is where Flight Sergeant Powell buried Nigger, Guy Gibson's faithful dog, at the very moment that Gibson was attacking the Mohne Dam", and he indicated a nice little grave in the garden. A voice from the back called out "No it bloody isn't, I buried him over there, where they've built the Operations Block." This was "Chiefy" Powell himself, and he should have known where he buried Nigger. It seems they hustled him off to the Mess and plied him with drink, so the press wouldn't destroy a perfectly good legend. Source unknown, but I swear it's true.

Purloined from Ed Draper's R.A.F Humor pages at

(With apologies for the none PC language from times past - Ed.)

Penguin Tennis with the RAF...

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea, turn around and fly directly at the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.

Purloined from Ed Draper's R.A.F Humor pages at

How was that?

A couple of TAC pilots were flying F-102's in escort with a B-36 bomber and were chinning with the pilot of the bomber to pass the time. Talk fell to the subject of the relative merits of their respective aircraft with the fighter pilots holding that their planes made for more interesting flying because of their maneuverability, acceleration and the like. The B-36 pilot replied "Yeh? Well this old girl can do a few tricks you guys can't even touch." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Watch," he tells them.

After several minutes the bomber pilot returns to the air and says, "There! How was that?" Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, "What are you talking about?" Reply, "Well, I went for a little stroll, got a cup of coffee and went downstairs for a chat with the navigator."

Purloined from Ed Draper's Military Humor pages at

Air Farce One

An apocryphal story that allegedly happened late one night during bad weather, as heard over the tower radio:

Helicopter Pilot: "Roger, I'm holding at 3000 over the Meldrum beacon."

Second voice: "NO! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that beacon!"

(Brief pause, then first voice again): "You idiot, you're my co-pilot."

Purloined from Ed Draper's Military Humor pages at

Air Farce Two

"Don't fly me,
It has been reported that an employee for Ansett Australia (Airlines), who happened to have the last name of Gay, got on a plane recently using the company's "Free Flight" offer for staff. However, when Mr. Gay tried to take his seat he found it being occupied by a fare paying passenger.

So, not to make a fuss, he simply chose another seat. Unknown to Mr. Gay, another Ansett flight at the airport experienced mechanical problems. The passengers on this flight were being re-routed to other airplanes. A few were put on Mr. Gay's flight and anyone who was holding a "free" ticket was being bumped. Ansett officials, armed with a list of these "freebee" ticket holders boarded the plane, as is the practice, to remove them in favour of fair paying passengers. Of course, our Mr. Gay was not sitting in his assigned seat as you may remember. So when the Ticket Agent approached the seat where Mr. Gay was supposed to be sitting, she asked a startled customer, "Are you gay?". The man shyly nodded that he was, at which point she demanded, "Then you have to get off the plane". Mr. Gay, overhearing what the agent had said, tried to clear up the situation, "You've got the wrong man, I'm Gay". This caused an angry third passenger to yell, "Hell, I'm gay too, they can't kick us all off!". Confusion reigned as more and more passengers began yelling that Ansett had no right to remove gays from their flights.

It is reported that Ansett have refused to comment on the incident."

(Thanks to my sister-in-law, Ann-Louise Tester, for sending me this one)

A Flight sergeant, a Corporal, and a Junior Technician were waiting for transport from the ops site to go and get their lunch.

The Flight Sgt noticed a beat-up, crappy looking lamp sitting in the brush. He picked it up and used his sleeve to rub some of the grime off, and as he was doing so a genie exited the lamp with a purpose.

"OK," said the genie, "Since I usually only grant three wishes, I will give each of you just one."

He turned to the Jnr/Tech, "What do you want the most?"

The Jnr/Tech was quick. "I want to be in Minorca with a beautiful woman who sunbathes topless."

The genie snaps his fingers and the Jnr/Tech. is gone. He then asks the Cpl, "What do you want the most?"

The Cpl answers, "I want to be in Miami jet skiing with a beautiful woman on one arm and a Pina Colada in my hand."

The genie snaps his fingers and the Cpl disappears. He then turns to the FIt Sgt and asks him, What do you want the most?"

The Flt Sgt said, "I want those guys back in the workshop after lunch."

(Thanks to John Dell for sending me this one)


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Updated 01/02/2005

Constructed by Dick Barrett
ęCopyright 2000 - 2005 Dick Barrett
The right of Dick Barrett to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.